Monday, April 12, 2010

Cat-Catching 101

The identity of this recently certified cat-catcher has been protected
for obvious reasons...we certainly don't need any feral cats that read
this blog knowing who she is and alerting all of their friends
to her cat-catching ways.

This past Saturday, I contacted my friend to see if she wanted to join Lou, Pearl, and me for some brick oven pizza at Antonio's later on that evening. I warned her that we had to go a little early because Pearl just is not a very pleasant date after about 6:30pm - it's like a little alarm goes off that prompts her to need her bath, a quick viewing of Curious George, and then snooze time.

Anyway, upon hearing our invitation my friend stated the following: "Oh, I really want to go to dinner, but I'm not sure if my cat-catching class will be over by then." Creepiest. Excuse. EVER. We requested that she present us with the above certification card just to prove that she wasn't trying to avoid having dinner with us.

Our friend was attending Saturday's New York City Feral Cat Initiative's workshop at the Bronx Library Center entitled 'Trap, Neuter, Return (TNR): How to Manage a Feral Cat Colony' (or, as we affectionately refer to it, Cat-Catching 101). She kindly provided the following description of the program for all you Bronxites who may want to help combat the growth of feral cat colonies in your neighborhoods:

The above link is for the program. It is a great program that encourages people to respect the feral cats by trapping them, fixing them (if you attend a workshop, the ASPCA mobile truck will fix the trapped cats for free!), then returning them back to exact colony's location. After that, you are to feed them (food is bought at your own expense) and track and monitor them, until the cat colony is exhausted. Feral cats do not live very long because of disease and weather, so it is possible that a fixed cat colony (one that is unable to produce) will die of natural causes peacefully; over time, these feral cats colonies will decrease.

As of now, there are too many feral cats and tame cats that are thrown out by careless people, roaming the streets of the Bronx. Hopefully, with compassionate, educated people, the Trap-Neuter-Return program will help control the city's rodent and cockroach problem by controlling cat colonies peacefully.

But even more importantly, this program is not for those old ladies who hoard cats in their apartments. It is not a program in which you tame the feral cats. You simply trap them, neuter them, return them to their colony, and then monitor and feed them. You are not to interact or even touch them.
If you don't have time to attend a workshop, you could always just handle your cat-catching the BoogieDowner way: pound way too many beers at the Jolly Tinker, then lure an unsuspecting cat into your arms, flag down a van and pay the driver $50 to take you and said cat home, and proceed to make it your new pet. Stop looking at me like that...we've all done that at least once in our lives after a few too many cold ones, right?



Lis said...


El Feo said...

Are you responsible for feline corpse removal as well when the feral cats die peacefully of natural causes?

Will former colonies be vast wastelands of cat cadavers rotting in the blistering Bronx sun?

Anonymous said...

Um... El Feo, I think you missed the point.

Nothing about the TNR would cause more cats to die. Those same cats are already dying out there.

The difference is that they won't have more kittens that will add to the number of cadavers! Right?

Guywithacause said...

El Feo I think your name should be El Stupido. Reading is is.

Unknown said...

Wasn't the phrase "vast wastelands of cat cadavers rotting in the blistering Bronx sun" part of a failed pro-Bronx PR campaign back in the early 80s?

Although, to be fair, the photo contained in the poster may have been more responsible for the campaign's failure than the phrase itself.

Those were crazy times.

Kelly H said...

BAAhahaha... love the conclusion to this post. A little personal cat-trapping experience, eh?! Oh my... gotta love the Tinker. :)